How To Stop Comparing Yourself to Celebrities & Feel Like One Yourself

“ I finally realized that beauty was not a thing I could acquire or consume. It was something I just had to be. And what my mother meant when she said you can’t eat beauty was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you.”

Lupita Nyong’o

When I was younger, the only thing I wanted was to look different. I didn’t want to be the Asian, the exotic one.

But I couldn’t pay for plastic surgery. I couldn’t dye my hair, and I didn’t know that colored contacts existed.

I just knew that I was different.

There weren’t people who looked like me in the mainstream media. I didn’t have any role models, save for figure skaters. It irked me when people said things that they loved a celebrity or they felt like they knew them personally.

We all know the media projects a certain image of people in the public eye. Yeah, that one heartthrob might sound like your Prince Charming on paper, but wouldn’t you rather find someone who loves you for who you are instead of who you are in the public eye?

Yeah, I thought so.

But then I realized that I didn’t have to know the celebrity. I liked the celebrity because I resonated with something in their essence. I didn’t need to grow up with them to do that.

Because the things qualities you admire in people are already in you.

Yes, you read that right.

I’m going to say this again.

You possess the qualities you admire in others.

So how do you start to feel like you can take over the world?

 1.    Ask yourself this ONE question: What qualities do I admire in (insert person’s name here)?

I don’t care who it is. It can be a friend, family member, or a celebrity. If the answers you’re coming up with are, “Because he/she seems nice,” or “Because he/she is talented,” dig deeper. What do you admire about them?

I’m not saying it’s bad to love a person because they seem nice or because they’re talented, but loving a person because of their talent and kindness doesn’t do much when it comes to making you feel like you can take over the world.

Take Jennifer Lawrence for example.  (Yes, I am a fan.)

What do I love about Jennifer Lawrence?

I love the fact that she is refreshingly honest and candid for someone in the entertainment industry. She’s authentic.

Yes, I am one of the thousands of people out there that have  gravitated toward that authenticity. Knowing that that I have the capacity somewhere inside me to release my inner J-Law makes me feel pretty darn awesome, if I do say so myself.

Knowing you have an inner celebrity (or whoever you admire) makes you feel pretty awesome huh?

2.    Write These Qualities Down

 

According to The Positivity Blog, writing things down works. It lets you focus. And we all know that in this world where we live by going from screen to screen that our attention spans are….well, you know.

I mean, I don’t know about you, but I feel pretty invincible when I look at my list and know that I can pull out my inner Beyonce or inner J-Law when I feel like it.

And that satisfaction, that feeling of invincibility, is CRUCIAL to taking back your sense of self-worth. You can buy all the makeup and plastic surgery in the world, but inner beauty does more. Inner beauty “inflames the heart and enchants the soul…there is no shade in that beauty.”

Who do YOU like to channel that makes you feel like you can take over the world?

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How To Feel Like A Princess And Reclaim Your Self-Worth

Who was your favorite Disney princess growing up?

I dreamed about being Ariel, but I scrapped that when I discovered that no matter how many times you wrote to Santa, he couldn’t get you red hair and a fishtail for legs.

The polyester alternative I made my parents buy before Halloween just didn’t cut it.

Add me to the list of people who:

• got bullied in middle school.
• thought she wasn’t pretty because she didn’t look like the people on TV.

It took getting into the real world and embarking on this journey of self-discovery for me to realize why A Little Princess is considered a classic. It took me that long to finally get to a better place.

Every girl needs to know that they are worth it, that they are princesses in their own right. No matter what they look like. No matter what they’re going through. But instead they get airbrushed images of girls who society thinks won the genetic lottery. And they’re conditioned to believe that that’s what’s attractive.

We’re trying to achieve a standard that doesn’t exist.

Yes, the recent campaigns like Covergirl’s #GirlsCan and Dove’s Real Beauty Sketches are a step forward. And we have music in the mainstream that is bashing that standard and people who are speaking out about the importance of the media and the role it can play in mental health. But recovery is a constant process. You can’t just listen to one song or read one book and be fixed.  Recovery starts with your beliefs and working from the inside.

Image Credit: Pinterest

The good news is that you CAN take steps to becoming a real life princess without having to invest in plastic tiaras from Party City or jetting off to the UK to try to marry into the British monarchy. It’s not going to be easy. But you can learn to love yourself. And in loving yourself, you’ll begin to feel like the princess you were born to be.

1.     Be Belle

Translation: Unplug.

Belle kept her nose in a book; we tend to keep our eyes on screens. And sometimes those screens show us things that make us as jealous as Maleficent. One in three people felt worse after visiting Facebook, according to the Huffington Post.

One in three people.

Snow White’s stepmother’s jealousy turned her into mush under a rock slide. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather take time away from the Internet on a regular basis than have jealousy eat at me until I end up under a pile of boulders.

I’m not telling you to go on a social media fast. I’m just suggesting that you take steps to experience the world beyond the confines of your computer screen.

• Un-friend or block people from your Facebook feed if you don’t want to hear from them.
• Download SelfControl to prevent you from browsing Pinterest if you must work from your computer.
• Put your phone in a locked safe (or something similar) to eliminate the urge to check Instagram. Out of sight out of mind, right?

As Belle would say, “There must be more than this provincial life”

Go out and discover it.

2.     Think Happy Thoughts

Yeah, I know. Easier said than done. There was a lot of doubt surrounding Barrie when Peter Pan was originally published, but he was onto something when he said, ” The moment you doubt you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.” Yes, it sounds like woo-woo, but thoughts have a frequency you can actually measure.

According to the documentary The Secret, “If you’re complaining of how bad it is, what you’re creating is more of how bad it is.” In other words, if you think about debt, even if you think, “ I don’t want to be in debt anymore,” you still send out the thought of debt. The Law of Attraction sees that you are focusing on debt and brings that to you.

I don’t know about you, but after watching that documentary, I’m working on being more like Peter Pan.

3.     Melt For The Right People

What Disney protagonist didn’t have a faithful sidekick?

YOU are the protagonist in your own movie called Your Life. Sure, your protagonist might not be a cute talking dragon or a snowman, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t offer you advice or support. Cinderella didn’t make it to the ball on her own, right?

Do the people you hang out with make you feel happy and supported? Or do they make you feel like they don’t care about you? If it’s the latter, take them out of your life.

Friendships take work, just like any other relationship. But you shouldn’t have to spend a lot of energy proving to someone that you should be in their lives if they don’t reciprocate.

The people who want to stay in your life will put work in to be there. Cherish those people and reciprocate where you can.

4.     Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide

While we’re on the subject of sidekicks, I’d say Jiminy Cricket was a good one, wouldn’t you agree

Sure, he and Pinocchio didn’t always agree on the best way to do things, but when Pinocchio got himself into trouble, he always tried his best to give the best advice he could.

Not everyone does things the exact same way. But just because someone tells you that something’s right, doesn’t mean that it’s right for you. What worked for you parents or friends may not work. You know yourself better than anyone else.

I’m not saying to throw every piece of advice you get out of the window. But don’t ignore the voices in your head, even if they go against what everyone thinks you should do. Mulan’s father would have died if she had listened to what was “right” and stayed where she was.

YOU have the same power. YOU get to call the shots.

And finally, probably the most important one of all…

 5.  Treat Yourself Like A Princess

No princess got to her happy ending without having to overcome a few obstacles, right?

You’ve been through the ringer. You’re still recovering. But the fact that you’ve been through the this should tell you something.

The fact that you made it out of this alive says that you are strong. It says that you are resilient. It says that you are worth recovery. It should tell you that you have the courage to admit when you need help. There aren’t that many people out there who are brave enough to readily admit that they need help.

Yes, I am aware that I’m parroting Demi Lovato right now, but what she says is true. You are a warrior. You are strong, and you are beautiful. You don’t need a Prince Charming to save you. It might be hard to believe all the things I’m telling you right now, but if you take care of yourself, you’ll start to feel like a princess.

So HOW do you do this?

• Tell yourself that you’re beautiful, that you’re powerful, that you’re strong, that you have something to offer the world (or whatever positive affirmation resonates with you) until you start to believe it.
• Eat well.
• Exercise
• Pamper yourself
• Honor your inner voice
• Consume media that makes you feel good.

Do what feels right to YOU.

What do YOU do to pamper yourself and reclaim your self-worth? Let me know in the comments below!

Why Every Day Should be Treated Like Thanksgiving (And How You Can Manifest What You Want)

As Thanksgiving around the corner, it’s difficult to not think about what you’re grateful for, especially since the end of the year draws closer. The year has flown by!

Sure, being seated at a big table surrounded by friends and family prompts us to say we’re grateful for various things: health, happiness, family and friends among them.

What if we could turn every day into Thanksgiving? What if I said that it could help you make sense of your past, bring yourself peace and create a vision for the tomorrow that we want to have?

I’m the first to admit that I’m not an authority on this subject, but I’m pretty sure that those are all things that people want to have right? Correct me if I’m wrong.

So what is this fantastical tool, you ask?

Write gratitude statements every day. Or at least every week. I try to do it every day, but I don’t always make the time, unfortunately.

Now, I am aware that this may not be the right thing for everyone. And if it’s not for you, that’s fine. Take little steps to find something else. We are all unique and we all operate differently.

In response to one of my many emails filled with questions and struggles, my coach sent me a lengthy email (that I will be paraphrasing liberally), which included the following quote:

 

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.

It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.

It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

Melody Beattie

I had been exposed to the idea of gratitude before; I had been told that I should be grateful, that I should keep a gratitude diary and write gratitude statements every day, and that it would benefit me, but I never understood why. And when I would ask why, people would just say things like “just because”

Seeing this quote gave me my why. I think we can all agree that the quote is a much better explanation than “just because.”

Who wouldn’t want to turn confusion into clarity?

Writing gratitude statements helps with those things (or at least it’s helped me). It helps me maintain a more positive outlook, and it helps me be grateful for things I want in my future, even if I don’t have them yet. (Yes, this technique works for the future as well.)

This doesn’t mean, however, that writing gratitude statements every day will give you everything you’ve ever wished for in life. But being grateful does work in mysterious ways.

For example, a few days ago, I was overwhelmed with anxiety about going to an early appointment and getting the paperwork I needed.

I wrote a gratitude statement about how I was grateful to have the paperwork even though it overwhelmed me with anxiety, and the next day, I walked out of the office in the morning with the paperwork feeling grateful.

It’s a bit early for resolutions for the new year, but I’ve resolved to keep writing gratitude statements. It’s a nice way to keep myself positive and present.

What are you grateful for this holiday season? Any other simple techniques you use to keep you grounded and positive in a busy time? I’d love to know!

My Top 3 Ways to Harness the Power of Words

 

Image Credit: Pintrest

Whoever coined the saying “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” needs to get a time machine and visit the 21^st century, because I’m sure a lot of kids and parents would have a bone to pick with him (or her).

I know I do.

When I was in middle school, I went through severe bullying. Although I was never physically hit, the kids would do all sorts of things like prank call me and call me names. I developed so many issues because that name-calling that I still deal with to this day. There are young kids out there committing suicide because of the names their peers are calling them.

It wasn’t until my mother took me aside when I talked to her about a college roommate (whom I’ll call Alex for the sake of anonymity) who thought it was fun to poke fun at me and make rude comments said to me, “Poor Alex. She has to bring you down to make herself feel better,” that I realized

Image credit: Pintrest

 I’ve said in this post that being honest is key to living from the heart, and I firmly believe that. I am the first to admit that I tend to say what’s on my mind, but I’ve learned that there is a time and place for honesty. I’m gradually learning to train myself so that I don’t vomit my thoughts before thinking.

Here are some things that I’ve found to be helpful in my journey:

Write in a Journal

I’ve kept a journal since I was about 7, and I love it. Paper doesn’t talk back to you; it’s open and blank, and it doesn’t judge you. Writing down your feelings may also help clarify your thinking process. I always feel good after I write down my feelings, no matter how ugly they are. It feels exhilarating to have the weight lifted off your shoulders. My coach had me do this recently as I started my journey of forgiveness, and I discovered a lot of emotion that I had been been bottling up.

Ask Yourself Questions

What do you hope to gain in telling this person what you’re about to say?

What do they gain from it? (i.e.: is it helpful?)

Does it contribute to the conversation?

Do they need to hear this?

Listen

In this day and age where we are connected to our smartphones and social media, it’s difficult to do, but you can learn a lot from a person’s tone of voice and body language. Look for those cues and use them to consider if you really need to say what’s on your mind.

My Top 3 Ways to Live From the Heart

 

 

 

Image Credit: Pintrest

I’m going to be upfront: Like everyone else my age in the world, I’m still trying to figure things out for myself. But at this point in my life, I can say that for me, living from the heart is to be yourself. Say what you want to say, do what you want to do, find work that is fulfilling, have fun, do your best in everything you do. (That way you can walk away being satisfied with your efforts, rather than regretting anything.)  

Here are 3 things that I’ve done that I’ve found particularly useful

1) Be honest

As someone who grew up in a bilingual household, I’ve often had to deal with conflicting values, and I’ve often compromised my feelings and opinions for the sake of being left alone or because that’s just how I’m expected to behave in front of my family.  But I’ve never found that suppressing my feelings, holding a grudge, or lying to save face makes a situation better.  If you’re in a situation where it’s not appropriate to express your feelings out loud, try to find another outlet to channel that energy.

2) “You are who you surround yourself with.”

 I never really understood what this truly meant until this past summer, when I had the chance to attend an incredible conference called the World Domination Summit, a gathering in Portland, Oregon, hosted by traveler Chris Guillebeau (who writes the incredible blog The Art of Non-Conformity). Surrounded by people who wanted to make a positive difference and live a life where a 9 to 5 desk job wasn’t the first thing on their wish list was invigorating. Reaching out to people who share my beliefs and philosophies in life and connecting with them has inspired a journey that I hope will mold me into a person I am proud to be.

 Find events and gatherings for people who have similar interests and beliefs and connect with those people. Maintain those relationships if you can. Surrounding myself with people who demonstrate the qualities and mindset I want to develop and has been incredibly helpful in my journey of learning to live and lead from the heart.

3) Live in the Moment

Since beginning this journey, I’ve found that being selective about the material you absorb is crucial. I’ve always been a voracious reader; I read whatever I could get my hands on. Now I’m choosing to be more selective about what I read. I read things that inspire me, things that are in keeping with the new, positive mindset I want to develop.

This means I don’t read the news as often as I used to (otherwise it tends to discourage me about the current state of humanity) and distancing myself from social media and reality television when I need to and not apologizing for it. In this day and age of instant gratification, I find that the constant need to be in the loop stresses us out (or at least it stresses me out). I sometimes get depressed if I stare at Facebook for too long; I get into an unhealthy headspace, and the best way to remedy that, for me, is to physically distance myself from a screen and focus on living in the moment, which is one of the best ways to live from the heart.

What are your favorite ways to live from the heart?