The One Thing To Know That Will Make You Feel Like The Goddess You Are (And How It Can Help Stop Comparisons At the Door)

Learning To Love Yourself

c95f1b76b531bc03fca0d59cf707894c

How many of you remember that one really popular girl in middle school that everyone imitated because they just wanted to be her?

 

The one every other male in your grade had a huge crush on.

 

The one with the most chic wardrobe that every other girl wanted to raid.

 

Let’s just say, for example, that both of you (coincidentally) wore the same shirt to school one day.

 

Did you:

 

a)    Think “Oh my god, I’m wearing the same shirt as she is! That automatically makes today awesome.”

 

OR

 

b)   Think that you look awful because you’re standing next to your middle school’s version of a Victoria’s Secret model and proceed to look for a hole to materialize so it could swallow you?

 

Knowing how awful middle school was for some of us, I’m going to assume that you went with the latter option.

 

I’m not trying to assume that everyone’s middle school experience was traumatic. I mean sure, it’s possible that you could have had a great experience and picked option A.

 

But middle school is generally hard. That’s when puberty starts doing weird things to us, and we start dealing with a lot. Friends, boys (or girls), grades…you get my drift.

 

We start to solidify our beliefs about how the world works. We start trying to navigate the world.

 

And with the media throwing airbrushed images in our faces all the time, it’s not hard for us to look into the mirror and think: “God, I don’t look like (insert celebrity’s name here). I fail at life.”

 

It took me going through high school and college, but I finally figured out how to put a dent in the “I must constantly compare myself to other people” cyclone, and I want to share it with you.

 

See Miss Popular who wore the same shirt as you today?

 

She wasn’t the one who decided that she looked better in that shirt.

You were the one who decided that it was an iron-clad fact that she looked better in the shirt than you did.

 

Miss Mini-Victoria’s-Secret-Model over there can’t control the fact that you think she’s better looking in the shirt than you are.

 

I mean, for all you know, she could think you’re the best thing since sliced bread.

 

Long story short, you are the one who controls your perceptions. The people you compare yourself to? Chances are they don’t particularly care what you think (assuming you’re comparing yourself to someone who doesn’t know you exist). And the people who do know you exist who you compare yourself to? They can’t control what you think about yourself.

 

You do.

 

Feel powerful now?

 

Yeah, I do too.

 

This isn’t to say that it’s easy; personally, I’m still working on my inner lizard (as one book I read so aptly put it), but knowing that I’m in the driver’s seat when it comes to how I think makes me pretty willing to make myself better than I was yesterday. It’s the little things that you like about yourself that build your confidence.

 

And knowing that I’m better than I was makes me feel a lot better about myself than I would if I were staring at photoshopped pictures of Miranda Kerr all day.

 

1dc49ed88cacb4859397d960bfc84b0d

That person staring back at you from the mirror?

 

Let HER be your competition.

 

What sorts of things do YOU do that help you stop comparing yourself to others?

Image Credit: Pinterest.

Advertisement

How To Stop Comparing Yourself to Celebrities & Feel Like One Yourself

Culture & Society, Learning To Love Yourself, Re-framing Your Thinking

1886f100ab2218dba869ce11f83596ba

“ I finally realized that beauty was not a thing I could acquire or consume. It was something I just had to be. And what my mother meant when she said you can’t eat beauty was that you can’t rely on how you look to sustain you.”

Lupita Nyong’o

When I was younger, the only thing I wanted was to look different. I didn’t want to be the Asian, the exotic one.

But I couldn’t pay for plastic surgery. I couldn’t dye my hair, and I didn’t know that colored contacts existed.

I just knew that I was different.

There weren’t people who looked like me in the mainstream media. I didn’t have any role models, save for figure skaters. It irked me when people said things that they loved a celebrity or they felt like they knew them personally.

We all know the media projects a certain image of people in the public eye. Yeah, that one heartthrob might sound like your Prince Charming on paper, but wouldn’t you rather find someone who loves you for who you are instead of who you are in the public eye?

Yeah, I thought so.

But then I realized that I didn’t have to know the celebrity. I liked the celebrity because I resonated with something in their essence. I didn’t need to grow up with them to do that.

Because the things qualities you admire in people are already in you.

Yes, you read that right.

I’m going to say this again.

You possess the qualities you admire in others.

So how do you start to feel like you can take over the world?

 1.    Ask yourself this ONE question: What qualities do I admire in (insert person’s name here)?

I don’t care who it is. It can be a friend, family member, or a celebrity. If the answers you’re coming up with are, “Because he/she seems nice,” or “Because he/she is talented,” dig deeper. What do you admire about them?

I’m not saying it’s bad to love a person because they seem nice or because they’re talented, but loving a person because of their talent and kindness doesn’t do much when it comes to making you feel like you can take over the world.

Take Jennifer Lawrence for example.  (Yes, I am a fan.)

What do I love about Jennifer Lawrence?

I love the fact that she is refreshingly honest and candid for someone in the entertainment industry. She’s authentic.

Yes, I am one of the thousands of people out there that have  gravitated toward that authenticity. Knowing that that I have the capacity somewhere inside me to release my inner J-Law makes me feel pretty darn awesome, if I do say so myself.

Knowing you have an inner celebrity (or whoever you admire) makes you feel pretty awesome huh?

2.    Write These Qualities Down

 

According to The Positivity Blog, writing things down works. It lets you focus. And we all know that in this world where we live by going from screen to screen that our attention spans are….well, you know.

I mean, I don’t know about you, but I feel pretty invincible when I look at my list and know that I can pull out my inner Beyonce or inner J-Law when I feel like it.

And that satisfaction, that feeling of invincibility, is CRUCIAL to taking back your sense of self-worth. You can buy all the makeup and plastic surgery in the world, but inner beauty does more. Inner beauty “inflames the heart and enchants the soul…there is no shade in that beauty.”

Who do YOU like to channel that makes you feel like you can take over the world?