You Are Going To Be A Bundle of Contradictions, And That’s Okay

Culture & Society, Learning To Love Yourself, Miscellaneous Musings, Re-framing Your Thinking

You'llBeABundleOfContradictions

“You’re too sensitive.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Just get over it.”

 

Sound familiar?

 

I think if we all were paid a dollar when someone said those things to us, we’d be filthy rich by now. Kids and adults can be cruel.

Okay. You might not think that those things are cruel, but even the smallest things can destroy your confidence, especially if you’re a hypersensitive person like me. I don’t care if you’re Jennifer Lawrence or your neighbor down the street. Everyone goes through those moments when their confidence is ground in the dirt.

And in those moments, it’s easy to look to the person you idolize. Yes, you know who I’m talking about. Those people whose Twitter accounts you stalk, whose magazine covers you buy the second they hit the newsstands. The ones you want to be.

Sure, they may look like they have everything, but that doesn’t make them immune to pain. Despite their “perfect” image (thank you very much every news outlet ever), the truth is that they’re far from perfect.

 

 

 

See? Case in point.

 

Social media has allowed us to filter our lives so much that it’s very easy to think that we are the only ones in the world who suck at life. We have become so gosh darn obsessed with the number of likes, tweets, and followers that we judge our value based on those superficial numbers.

 

You don’t have to be Taylor Swift, Emma Watson, or Selena Gomez to say something in today’s world that you’ll get flack for. It doesn’t matter if you’re the best singer in the world since sliced bread: Anything you do or say will be picked apart. You can’t please everyone. If you try to please everyone, you’ll end up becoming a doormat. And becoming a doormat is the easiest way to lose your sanity.

 

The only thing you can do is to try to please yourself. Just because you’re a little dramatic doesn’t mean that you have to put duct tape over your mouth every time you come across the person who called you a drama queen.

 

So what if you don’t think that One Direction is the best band to hit the radio waves since The Beatles? You don’t have to bend over backwards to memorize their names and listen to all their albums in one day just because you want to appease your friends who happen to spend their hard-earned money on concert tickets. You don’t have to justify your decisions or tastes to anyone.

 

You’re still young. We will always be students of life. You can believe multiple things. Your tastes will change and grow with you. You can be a drama queen and still be a mellow, relaxed person. You can like the Beatles, Patti Smith, Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift & Demi Lovato all at the same time for different reasons, no matter what anyone tells you. You don’t need permission from anyone.

 

Finding what you like and what you believe is a process. Believing in yourself is not an easy, straightforward thing. You will always be a bundle of contradictions, there’s no way around it.

 

I’m going to try my hardest not to pull a Louise Hay on you, not because I have my doubts about the self-help industry, but because when you’re young, it’s really hard to believe that your flaws make you interesting, when all they seem to do is help you dig your own grave. Yes, your favorite celeb can help, but no matter how many times you listen to their songs on repeat, you’re the one who has to believe that your quirks make you who you are. And it can be really hard to turn Negative Nancy’s voice off.

But who else but you thinks the way you think, likes what you like, and does what you do? All of the stuff (good and bad) that you’ve been through has made you who you are. You might not be able to just shake it off (thank you, Taylor Swift for getting that song stuck in my head). You might let things change you, but that doesn’t mean that you’re any weaker than the next person. You can make the choice to use the obstacles and changes you go through as fuel. Or you can let them remain walls.

And we know what happens with walls.

 

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Image Credit

 

It’s a lot better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you are, anyway. I’ve tried being something I wasn’t; it was by far one of the most painful things I have ever done. It was a lot of lying. A lot of crying. A lot of pulling my hair out. A lot of filtering. A lot of hiding.

It took me more than ten years to realize this, but if you just put yourself out there, and KEEP doing it, the right audience will find you.

When you shed your mask, share your story, and be yourself no matter where you are in life, you encourage others to do the same. People will see their flaws in you and realize that it’s OKAY to be flawed, that you DO NOT have to have everything figured out, that you DO NOT have to hibernate like a bear waiting for spring. You can be a role model for others without going on American Idol or winning an Olympic medal. You can do that by living your life, quirks and all. Yes, you heard me. You may be someone else’s Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, or Emma Watson. You just might not know it yet.

I’m not saying for you to blast Shake it Off and let criticism roll off you like water; you can do that if that’s your thing, but I think there’s still a lot to be learned from criticism. The important thing is not to let it get to you, because your haters will ultimately make you better. They will help you grow.

Take in what you want to take in, improve what you can, and keep living your best life.

And for those who just don’t give you the time of day?

Shake ‘em off.

Screenshot Credit: YouTube

Currently I’m Loving

Currently I'm Loving

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Remember a few weeks ago when I was raving about Emma Watson’s speech at the UN (like 1.2 billion tweeters were)? I came across this really interesting read that offered a devil’s advocate perspective to her speech. It picked the speech apart following the 6-minute mark. As I was reading the piece, I was reliving my Rhetorical Criticism days. Given that that particular class turned out to be a favorite of mine (yes, I am a nerd), this piece made me happy. It’s always interesting to read opposing points of view. I currently have a couple blog post ideas marinating in the back of my head because of this post, so keep your eyes peeled!

And speaking of good reads, I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m a J-Law fan. So it should come as no surprise that her response to the nude photo scandal in Vogue made me very happy. I also finished Chris Guillebeau’s new book, and the review will be posted soon!

My inner bookworm was doing a happy dance when I read this article about all these studies about people who read actual books. I have always been a traditional person in that way (also, add to that the fact that I can’t stare at screens for an extended period of time)

I just discovered City of the Sun; I am in love. Part of me wishes I was still figure skating so I could choreograph a competitive program to their music. This is my favorite song of theirs.

What have YOU been loving this week? I’d love to hear in the comments!

Currently I’m Loving…

Currently I'm Loving

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Emma Watson’s He For She Speech

Yes, the cat’s out of the bag.   I’ve always loved and respected Emma Watson. In fact I’ve kind of not-so-secretly wanted to be best friends with her. This speech was so on point. Not because I was able to identify myself as a feminist (because according to the definition presented in her speech, I am one) but because she highlighted the struggles of men. Women are not the only ones held to a double standard. And I loved that she recognized that. I could go on and on about why I love her, but that sounds creepy, even to me.

Essential Oils

I’ve been struggling with anxiety attacks and other personal issues as of late, and essential oils have saved my life. I hardly go to the drugstore anymore. These oils have been more effective than any pill I’ve ever taken. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I am very anti-medication. No, these things are not magic, but they’re a great first step in the right direction for me.

This Huffington Post piece on gratitude. I’m all for gratitude, but everyone forgets. that there are some things that we take for granted. This is a great reminder of the little things that we tend to overlook that are just as valuable.

Jessica Chastain’s interview about her new movie. I’m not one to usually peruse Yahoo, but this was a great find, particularly because I’m so adamant about my own struggles with depression. I loved so much of what she said in this interview.

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What have YOU been loving this week? Let me know in the comments!