Currently I’m Loving…

 

The Shib Sibs YouTube Channel

 

As a former figure skater, the ShibSibs YouTube channel makes me smile. Maia and Alex Shibutani are world bronze medalists and 2014 Olympians in ice dance. They put up short vlogs giving us viewers a behind-the-scenes look at the lives of competitive ice dancers and cute little music videos and skits. I had the pleasure of meeting them (along with Olympic champions Meryl Davis & Charlie White) when I attended a competition back in 2010. They ( meaning all 4 of them) are the sweetest people ever.

Maia and Alex conceptualize, shoot and edit all of their videos, and I’m continually impressed by these two. I mean, balancing an ice dancing career with college is hard enough. But these two do that AND manage to interact with their fans on YouTube by giving them a unique perspective on something that so few us rarely get to see, let alone experience.

 

You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero

 

Since I started this whole self-help/transformation journey, I’ve done plenty of reading. And I’m going to be honest. I didn’t buy much into the books I got my hands on because so much seemed very woo-woo to me. Because I don’t believe that everything happens for a reason.

I had a friend recommend this book to me, and I bought the audiobook on iTunes. Enter the best self-help book I have ever invested in. The author wrote in a language that just made sense to me. She tells it like it is. No woo-woo needed. She explained a bunch of what I would have previously considered woo-woo concepts in a way that I just got. The audiobook is currently hanging out in my phone, and I listen to it all the time.

 

Doing A Brain Dump

 

In addition to writing gratitude statements every morning, I have been doing brain dumps both in the morning and at night. It’s a great way for me to start and end the day with a clear head without taking anything into the following day. It’s also a great way to generate ideas for blog posts. As I get into the rhythm of doing this more consistently, I hope that this will prove helpful.

 

Yoga

 

Doing things consistently when it comes to my physical health (especially given all the personal health issues I’ve been experiencing lately) is difficult for me. It takes me a while to get into a routine, and it’s so easy for a lot of us to overlook things when we’re crazy overwhelmed.

I have been getting back into yoga and Pilates lately. I tried some yoga classes at my local gym, but wasn’t really feeling them. So I turned to YouTube and found SO MANY great options. I’m looking forward to getting back on my mat consistently and making this practice a part of my daily routine.

What have YOU been loving! Can’t wait to see in the comments!

Image Credit: Gratisography

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Why I’m On The Fence About The Self – Help Industry & The Key To Making The Changes You Want To See

I’ve been through 2 self-help programs. These programs told me I was going to “find my inner beauty in 3 months” and “find the career of my dreams (or something along those lines) in 8 weeks.”

These programs claimed that they would “fix” my life, in a sense.

Have I embraced my inner beauty or gotten my dream career?

Nope. Not yet. I’m in the process of doing those things.

Sure, these programs have helped me somewhat, but they are not a quick fix. They are advertised to make you THINK they are.

This is why I have a problem with them:

You can’t develop confidence in 8 weeks or whatever else these programs advertise. Building confidence takes years. Your career is a constantly evolving journey. Your “purpose” is going to change as you change. You have to put effort into instigating the changes you want to see.

These programs in the self-help industry don’t fix your problems. You do.

I’m going to say that again. We fix our problems.

In response to the New York Times article that discussed young girls and the fact that they use YouTube to validate whether or not they’re physically attractive, one reader left the comment:

“Sounds more like our culture is the issue-again. It says a lot when the standard for approval and acceptance for young girls is physical appearance-but not so much for young boys.”

Guys go through the ringer too, you know.

I don’t think our culture is entirely to blame here; our society is made up of individuals who have the opportunity to help shape our rules. So yes, that twisted society that we always say has to change?

You help make it too.

I’m not trying to make you angry and say that everything that happens in society is your fault. I’m just asking you to consider the fact that you might be engaging in little things that are helping to create a society you don’t want to see.

Gandhi was right. In order to change the world, you have to BE that change.

What sorts of changes do YOU want to see in today’s society?

 

 

 

 

How To Turn A Bad Day Around

 

You know those days where everything that could possibly go wrong actually does?

You roll out of bed past your alarm. You spill coffee on your work clothes. You can’t find your keys. And when you finally do find your keys, you go to work, only to lock yourself out of the car. You’re sitting in traffic on the way to the airport. You miss your flight. The days where you constantly find yourself thinking, This is not my day.

 

We all have them.

 

I just had one a short time ago. Except this time, it wasn’t an endless ring of fiery hoops I had to jump through. I created this obstacle course with one mistake that could have been easily avoidable.

 

Not even finding a very uplifting post from one of my all-time favorite blogs could cheer me up. And this was while I was listening to music.

 

I was playing the “should have, could have” game for a good while. But we all know that that doesn’t do squat.

 

 

Let Yourself Feel Frustrated

 

You might say, “So you missed a flight. Big whoop.”

 

Actually, to some of us, it DOES seem like we were crushed under a boulder, thank you very much.

 

Sometimes it’s hard to let things go. Sometimes the littlest thing can seem like the end of the world, especially if you’re a sensitive person like yours truly.

 

It took me a good half hour (or more) of writing in freehand to free myself from the grip of a panic attack. And even then, my old insecurities surfaced. And I let myself feel them.

 

You could say that the universe was trying to teach me something. And maybe it was. But in those moments of frustration, sometimes the last thing you want to hear is a cheesy line like “Everything happens for a reason.”

 

Because it’s hard to find a reason when you’re immersed in the moment, riding an unwanted emotional high. Actually the word “hard” is an understatement. It’s beyond difficult. It just sucks. You feel like an ant that’s been crushed under someone’s heel.

 

It’s going to take time to let your emotions pass through you. Sometimes you’ll feel better after an hour. Other times, you can take the whole day. Let yourself take that time, no matter how long you need.

 

Once you let the emotion pass through you, you’ll feel a little better. And then maybe you’ll be able to shift your perspective and focus on the good things in your day. You have to feel bad before you begin to feel better. Yes, it sucks, but unfortunately, there’s no beating your way around the bush.

 

 

Don’t Add Salt (Or Give Someone Else A Chance To)

 

 

Who would want to add salt to that yummy cappuccino?

 

Sometimes the things people have to say just aren’t what you want to hear. Sure, honesty is great, but there’s a time and a place for it.

 

That place is not when you’re having a bad day.

 

You might come to realize the value of what someone is saying after sufficient time has passed.

 

But rubbing salt in a wound and pointing out the obvious is not the way to support them.

 

Know who you can trust to give you encouragement and pull you out of your rut. Cut unsupportive people out of your life if you can. If you can’t, try to distance yourself from them or find a way to interact with them in a way that doesn’t open all your old wounds.

 

Learning how to support yourself is key. Relying on other people to dictate your emotions places the power in their hands. It’s like handing over a puppet and its control to someone else.

 

I’m not going to say that there’s ONE WAY to learn how to support yourself because I’m not going to pretend to speak for everyone else out there who may have different coping mechanisms. Do what feels right for you.

 

You aren’t a puppet. You’re human.

 

 

 

Appreciate Little Things

 

Yes, even if you don’t feel it in the moment.

 

It feels GOOD to get a text message from your best friend saying that she believes in you.

 

It feels good to hear the flight attendant say tell you that you’re not the first person in the world to miss your flight once you calm down enough to turn the drama queen switch off.

 

Appreciate those things. Focus on them. They’ll make your day so much better.

 

I promise.

 

 

What do YOU do to get over a bad day?

 

 

 

How To Feel Powerful & The Hard Truth About Overcoming Negative Feelings

“It is doubtful that we came to feel undeserving on our own. We were helped to feel unworthy. We were taught it in a thousand ways when we were little, and we learned our lessons well.”

 

I think all of us would agree. We’ve all felt like the lowest thing on the planet at some point in our lives.

 

Not good enough. Not capable enough. Not pretty enough. Not [insert your word of choice here] enough. The list goes on and on and on.

 

In case you’re wondering, I am in the process of doing this. Every week, as per my coach’s instructions, I’ve been doing 2 things a week that make me feel more powerful and capable.

 

Here’s the kicker though: It can’t be something I would normally do. So even though lifting weights at the gym makes me feel powerful and capable, she wouldn’t count it because it’s been part of my normal routine for a month now.

 

Yes, I was groaning loudly when she said that.

 

What have I learned from this experience, you ask?

 

 

There Is No Easy Way About It

 

 

So how do you go about feeling more capable/good/pretty/fill-in-the-blank enough?

 

You do things that make you feel that way.

 

No, sorry. There is no way to beat around the bush. There just isn’t. I wish there was, but if it were easy, none of us would ever feel like a fly on the wall. It’s just like overcoming a fear: you have to do the thing that you’re scared of so that you build a new association with it.

 

Do 2 new things every week that help you build that feeling that you feel you’re lacking.

 

Want to feel more capable and powerful? Do 2 new things every week that make you feel capable and powerful.

 

 

Go Easy On Yourself

 

What makes someone feel powerful varies from person to person. Your version of powerful might be doing something small (like connecting with someone you’ve never met over social media) or it might be something big (like lifting 300 pounds over your head). Acknowledge what you’ve done, even if it seems insignificant. What’s important is that it’s significant to YOU.

 

 

The Little Things Count

 

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: acknowledging yourself for the little things is important.

 

The things I did that made me feel powerful may seem insignificant to others.

 

For example, I tagged a celebrity in a post on Instagram, and they commented on my photo (the closest I think I’ll ever come to having a fangirl moment-see if you can find it!). Anyone who knows me knows that I am not the girl with posters of celebrities plastered on their walls, losing my voice screaming at concerts. (One concert in boy-crazy Japan was enough to cure me for more than a few lifetimes.)

 

I’d say that counted as going outside of my comfort zone.

 

It made me realize that I could do little things and still realize that I could stretch myself. It proved that I am capable of taking a risk.

 

And that made me feel pretty darn powerful.

 

What do YOU do to help get over negative feelings?

How To Be Okay With Being Different & Accept Yourself For Who You Are

Watching the documentary Bridegroom made me cry because the documentary is a harrowing example of the power of love; it’s also proof of the fact that some people just don’t accept others for who they are.

 

Seriously. Watch it if you can.

 

I’m no expert on this stuff, but if there’s anything I’ve learned in this journey, it’s that you have to love and accept yourself before you can do that for someone else.

 

Everyone’s entitled to their own opinions, but it’s worth noting that EVERYONE deserves acceptance. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, lesbian, bi-sexual….okay, I’ll stop before I go into rant mode.

 

Accepting yourself can be hard. Hard with a capital H. People may look like they have everything together, but the reality is they’re probably just as confused as you are.

 

Which is why accepting others for who they are is just as important.

 

There’s so much pressure in today’s society to look a certain way, think a certain way, do things a certain way. And if you don’t do it the way you’re “supposed to,” you stick out like a sore thumb.

 

Being different (with a capital D) is one of the hardest things to do, particularly when you’re in school. Don’t tell me you don’t have those middle school/high school horror stories.

 

I’m going to own up to it: I’m still working toward accepting myself for who I am. I’d be hard pressed to find someone who’s completely happy with who they are, someone who’s just stopped evolving.

 

And I doubt you’re that person. Otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

 

 

So what do you do in order to (start to) accept yourself?

 

 

Go With Your Gut (And Put Earplugs In If You Have To)

 

You’re going to be told what you want to do is just wrong sometimes. There are no ifs and buts about it. You can’t get everything right in your life.

 

Sometimes those reality checks are warranted. Like when you’re inches away from doing something drastic. Like making permanent decisions based on a temporary state of mind.

 

But severe issues aside, the truth is that you know yourself better than anyone else in the world. Yes, that list includes your best friend that you’ve known since you were 5 and your parents.

 

They may not understand why you do the things that you do; but the important thing is that you follow your inner compass.

 

Because sometimes the places you take yourself are better than where you thought you’d end up.

 

“I really regret going with my gut.”

 

Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve NEVER heard anyone say that.

 

 

Look Back On Your Accomplishments

 

Or if you can’t think of any, write out a list of the awesome things you’ve done/ are doing.

 

My friend (read: second career coach) made me write out a list of all the cool things I had done in my life. And even though I filed it away in the depths of my laptop, I pull it out every now and again when I need a reminder.

 

Because everyone needs a reminder of how awesome they are.

 

This is not to say that I stare at this list for hours and let my head inflate; it’s just a nice reminder to have to bring you out of the cyclone of negative experiences we can get ourselves into.

 

We’re all human.

 

The accomplishments don’t even have to be accomplishments. They can be highlights of your life.

 

My list of awesome includes (condensed and shortened for personal reasons):

 

• Getting a college degree.
• Studying abroad in Australia.
• Traveling abroad to England, Ireland, China, Japan, and Mexico to expand my horizons
• Recovering from childhood trauma
• Meeting Olympic gold medalists Meryl Davis and Charlie White.

 

Keep adding to it as you get older. I have a feeling you’ll realize that you are a lot more awesome in real life than you are in your head. Your list of highlights won’t be the same as ANYONE ELSE’S. That’s pretty cool, don’t you think?

 

Find Your People And Surround Yourself With Them

 

For those of you who have been following the blog for a while now, you’ve probably gotten sick of hearing me say this, but it makes a world of difference.

 

 

You feel validated if you’re around people who you relate to. Your dreams don’t sound impossible.

 

And that’s one of the best things in the world.

 

Because when you’re with people who all feel different, you don’t feel that different yourself, right?

 

 

We’re all different in our own ways. That’s what makes us human. We all deserve love; it just takes some of us a while to realize it. As the documentary says, “it’s not a gay thing. It’s not a straight thing. It’s a human thing.”

 

 

Use Your Story To Help Others

 

I’ve said it before: You may not believe me, but your story matters. It does. It doesn’t have to define you. You can use it as fuel.

 

It takes time to find out how your story can help others, but it can.

 

I used mine to start this blog. Shane Bitney Crone uses his story to be an advocate for equal rights. Demi Lovato uses hers to be an anti-bullying and mental health advocate.

 

I can’t speak for either one of them, but I can say for myself that the people who have reached out to me with encouragement, and said that I’d helped them in some way through my writing, is more rewarding to me than anything.

 

And that sense of accomplishment, of giving back, has allowed me to begin to accept my story, and myself, that much more.

 

 

What have YOU found most helpful in learning to accept yourself?

 

Image Credit: Demi Lovato VEVO Youtube account

 

The 3 Most Important Lessons I Learned From The Land Down Under

When you think of traveling, what do you think of?

Do you think of wandering local restaurants and avoiding tourist attractions like the plague so you can really immerse yourself in your experience?

Do you fantasize about falling in love with a local like the protagonists did in those cheesy 90’s movies?

Are you the kind of person who has to plan every hour of every day of your trip? Or are you someone who just likes to let things unfold?

 

I was the planner. But now I’m not so sure; I might be inching toward the latter.

 

And it took the me going to the land down under to start the inching.

 

You could say I came away from Australia with an appreciation for nature, TimTams, and some local lingo. And in some sense, that’s true. But I will always be grateful to the land of the Aussies for teaching me these things (and taking me out of my comfort zone again)

 

Expect The Unexpected

 

I had been dreaming of spending 4 months in London, interning abroad, using the internship as a way for me to start building a base for an international career.

 

Well my dreams of walking along the Thames and taking the Tube to a fantastic internship were dashed with a single e-mail.

 

I have no shame in admitting that I was crushed. I was burned out from exams, and the earthquake and tsunami had just hit Japan. The thought of the possibility of going to London for 4 months was the only thing that kept me going. I held onto the idea with an iron fist; I knew it was mine. It had to be.

 

And then it didn’t happen.

 

But after I had somewhat recovered, I realized that I had two choices:

 

a)    Don’t go abroad (and regret it for the rest of my life and wonder “what if”)

b)   Go abroad (and experience new things and be open to new possibilities.)

 

You know which option I went with.

 

Taking chances is always scary. There’s no way around it. But sometimes the things that seem to be the worst things on the planet turn out to be the best things ever. I didn’t expect to fall in love with TimTams (I can never eat Thin Mints again), try kangaroo meat or Vegemite, interact with aboriginal Australian people, or feel like the little mermaid as I swam in the Great Barrier Reef for class credit.

 

Regardless of your situation, there are always twists and turns in life; as the quote goes, a smooth sea doesn’t make for a skilled sailor. Planning can be good; but it can also prevent you from experiencing the things that might turn out to be the best memories of your travel experience.

 

 

You Never Know Unless You Try

 

One of the things that made me balk at the idea of going to the land down under was the idea of outdoor activities. I’m the kind of girl who likes a cup of tea and a good book. Hiking and camping just didn’t appeal to me.

 

But then I tried it.

 

And even after hiking part of the border of New South Wales and Queensland (which was pretty amazing, might I add), I know for sure that I am not an outdoors-y kind of girl.

 

The best thing is that I can say that I tried it. Yes, my legs were burning even though I was slogging along at the very end of the line, but I still did it.

Trying things gives you an idea of what you want, but it also gives you an idea of what you don’t want. We’ve all had that moment where we claim to hate something, try it a second time, and end up loving it.

 

Or you might end up realizing that your first impression was indeed correct; that you really don’t like whatever it is you tried.

 

And that’s still okay.

 

 

The Scary Things Might Not Be That Scary When You Actually Do Them

 

We’ve all had those things. Those seemingly insignificant things that we’re terrified of.

 

In my case, mine was traveling alone. I mean really alone. No family I knew, no hotel reservations, no guidebook, no itinerary.

 

Enter Melbourne, Australia, which became one of my favorite cities.

 

 

There was something liberating about winging it. After years of always being a planner, having structure, I realized how good the opposite can be. This is not to say that I kicked the habit of being a planner to the curb, but I learned that having an open mind can make life so much easier.

 

Don’t let anyone tell you that your fears are stupid; there’s a reason for them, and they vary from person to person. It’s just that once you bite the bullet, you may find that the things you feared are actually things you like to do.

 

What are YOUR favorite foreign cities that you’ve traveled to? What have you learned from conquering your fears abroad?

 

 

The Truth Behind The Mask

 

 

 

“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”

 

-E.E. Cummings

 

 

I absolutely hate it when someone tells you that everything happens for a reason. (And when someone tells you that you’ve chosen your parents, but that’s another story).

 

Yes, it’s true that the obstacles, the trauma you went through made you who you are. Yes, it’s true that those formative experiences may have made you stronger. But that doesn’t make them okay.

 

You were hurt. You have a right to be angry.

 

You have a right to be angry because we live in a modern society that’s pretty twisted.

 

We live in a world dominated by screens and unattainable “norms” of perfection where communication has reduced itself to the tapping of keys on a keyboard (or smartphone, whichever you prefer). It’s hard to be yourself amidst all that chaos.

 

Being yourself is hard. Society tells you one thing. At schools, the maze of cliques is a jungle in itself. And then there are the things you don’t see.

 

In my case, it was the tension caused by the contradictory East-West dichotomy. I conformed because it was the only way I knew how to survive. But rather than helping me survive, that conformity led to the one place I didn’t want to be.

 

I won’t go into the details here; you’ve heard me tell that story before.

 

We are all human. Words hurt. We can pretend that we’re fine when we’re really dying. We can project the image of being someone with no filter who doesn’t waste their brain or breath on something (or someone) at the edge of their peripheral vision.

 

But sometimes when the mask comes off we do care.

 

Some would say that the role play, the constant switching from role to role depending on who you’re with isn’t authentic.

 

My response is to read between the lines, because you may only know one side of a particular person.

 

Becoming yourself (and staying yourself) amid all those voices saying no, do this, do that is confusing. It’s painful. And it’s easier to conform than it is to stick out. Because going against the flow takes a lot of strength.

 

So the next time you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, remember that you aren’t alone. Everyone has issues, even the people you consider “flawless.”

 

We’re all just trying to be ourselves in a big, confusing world.

 

And that’s hard enough.

 

Image Credit: Pinterest

The 5 Keys To Overcome Your Fears

What if you didn’t do something that scared you every day?

 

What if you did one thing that scares you per week?

 

I used to think that driving was the scariest thing in the world; I avoided driving like the plague.

 

I mean, can you blame me after getting into 2 accidents and constantly being yelled at when you’re that giddy 16-year old who dreams of racing down the 405 with the top down?

 

But I can now say that I’ve found a new Scariest Thing Ever.

 

And I’ve been doing it once a week.

 

Therapy.

 

Anyone who knows me knows that I wouldn’t wish therapy on my worst enemy; I would send it straight down into the seventh pit of Hades.

 

I keep my arms crossed the entire time.

 

I barely breathe for that entire hour.

 

I answer in clipped words.

 

Every bone is screaming at me to run like this man has a gun pointed at my head.

 

Do I like the therapist? Nope.

 

So WHY in the WORLD would I “want” to subject myself to sitting on a sweaty leather couch in a windowless room pouring out my heart (or as much as I feel is necessary for said therapist to get the answers to his questions) for an hour a week with my mother sitting in the next chair over?

 

Ask me that in a few months.

 

But I know for SURE that the Nike headline did not come to mind.

 

Because just doing it can be the scariest thing in the world. Sure, it may be one of the best pieces of kick-yourself-in-the-butt-and-enter-reality kinds of advice you can get, but sometimes it can be so unhelpful.

 

When you develop a fear, there’s a reason behind it, a story you have in your head. Something your mind wants to protect you from. It can be hard to “just do it” when all you’re hearing in your head is the wailing of an ambulance’s siren.

So how do you get over your fear?

 

1. Find Someone Who Can Support You

 

I don’t care if it’s your best friend who you’ve known since you were 5 or your neighbor. Finding someone who knows you well and asking for support is essential.

I know for a fact that if I did not have the support of a life coach (who knows me outside of our working relationship) I would NOT be ready to step into a therapist’s office.

I’m not saying everyone needs to go find a life coach before you face your fears; not everyone can afford that. You don’t NEED to have a life coach, just having a close friend is good enough.

Knowing that you have a friend at your back who can support you when things get difficult is a big step in taking the leap to overcoming your fears.

 

2. Don’t Push Yourself

 

I’ve said this before, but I have no shame in saying it again.

 

How many of you have compared yourself to your peers?

 

It’s easy to feel pressure when everyone around you is doing something, and you’re the only one who can’t.

 

Life can seem like a race.

 

I got my driver’s permit really early. I had these fantasies of cruising down the freeway with the top down.

 

It was easy; I had seen my parents drive me places all the time. You push a pedal and maneuver the car. How hard could it be?

 

 

I was yelled at, screamed at, had a few close scrapes.

 

Driving was not the straightforward, easy, fun thing that I thought it was.

 

It sucked having to ask my parents and friends for rides; I didn’t like having to take public transportation either.

 

But I was scared; I was more willing to spend more money and take more time to get places than confronting my fear.

 

It wasn’t until I started working on myself and let some time pass that I finally felt ready to try again.

 

You could say that I was procrastinating. But there is a strange part of me that is happy that I waited.

 

Because pushing yourself toward your goal can be good, but pushing yourself can also make you want to backtrack.

 

Everyone moves at their own pace. Just because you didn’t get something at the same time as everyone around you doesn’t mean that you’re worth any less than they are.

 

3. Acknowledge Yourself For The Little Things

 

 

 

Wise words, MLK. Very wise words.

 

I’m a planner. I like to have every detail in place.

 

But then I realized something: if I kept waiting for everything to be perfect, I’d be waiting forever.

 

When I finally decided to learn how to drive (for real this time), I went in and took the written test to get my permit.

 

Did I know who I was going to practice with?

 

Nope.

 

Did I know how I was going to get to practice in the family car on a consistent basis?

 

Double nope.

 

But I went in, took the test, and got that little piece of paper.

 

I made the first step.

 

Did my parents yell at me? Sure.

 

Did they guilt-trip me? Absolutely.

 

But as I returned home with that piece of paper in my hand, I felt so proud of myself. I couldn’t stop saying, “You did it,” over and over in my head.

 

I took my time getting home, took my time enjoying that feeling.

 

Because knowing that I had taken that first step rather than being dragged there, rather than being told that I “had to” do it was a lot more liberating than sitting in my house waiting for something to happen.

 

Sure, you may not have gotten over your fear, but the knowledge that you are taking steps to get over your fear feels pretty good right?

 

 

 

4. Look At The Trees, Not The Forest.

 

I recently had a friend ask me if I could edit her work. That would have been fine, except for the fact that said work was going to be evaluated in order to determine if she could get her teaching credential.

 

Um. Gulp.

 

Really?

 

Can someone say pressure?

 

Having her send it to me in sections helped me maintain my sanity. I was able to focus on each respective section as she sent it without the thought of “Oh my god, the deadline is getting closer; I have to get this done. Wait how many pages again?!”

 

I think the same is true for overcoming a fear.

 

If you focus on the little things you’re doing instead of the bigger picture, then it becomes less overwhelming.

 

Sure, not everyone is as detail-oriented as I am, and for some it might work to focus on the bigger picture. But some of us get overwhelmed too.

 

Breaking things down and focusing on one thing at a time makes things a lot easier.

 

5. Take Time To Recharge

 

You wouldn’t go out for a run immediately after crossing the finish line at an Iron Man, would you?

Yeah, I thought so.

Every time I come back from one of those therapy sessions, it feels like I’ve run an Iron Man.

Heart pounding.

Barely breathing.

More tense than a coiled spring.

 

So yes, after those sessions I curl up with my dog, a cup of tea and Sherlock.

 

It’s important to take breaks and recharge, especially after you’ve taken little steps toward getting over your fear.

 

Because those little things are also big hurdles.

 

You don’t have to do one thing every day that scares you.

You just have to take little steps toward doing that one thing.

 

What sort of things have YOU do to help overcome your fears?

 

Image Credit: Pinterest

“Keep Your Head Up, Nothing Lasts Forever”

Kudos to Kelly Clarkson’s songs for inspiring me.

 

There were so many things that I wanted to blog about this week. Yes, I’m that kind of person who can’t go anywhere without a notebook (or Evernote, if I must be parted from my beloved Moleskine for some reason).

 

No, I did not close my eyes and point to a topic on my ever-growing list of topics before churning out a blog post (although I am debating doing that at some point).

 

But I decided to combine a few topics and put them under an umbrella, and talk about gratitude again.

 

 

I’ve talked about gratitude before. Two times, to be exact. So what’s so compelling about this subject that I decided to do it again?

 

Chiara De Blasio’s recent article on XO Jane really got the cogs turning for me. Because I was in her shoes. On my bad days, I would say that I still am.

 

I had everything that so many people wish for. Clean water, clothes, food, a bed at night, an education. And I was taking it for granted. I was selfish. I was ungrateful.

 

I couldn’t recognize how rich I was, how fortunate I was.

 

I’m in a better place now, but that doesn’t mean that I never have bad days; everyone does.

 

Even when some friends catch me on a bad day, they don’t really believe that I still deal with many of the issues that I tell them that I dealt with. In their minds, it’s been over a decade. A decade should be plenty of time right? Get up, dust yourself off, move on.

 

In the past, people have called me selfish, thought that I was seeking attention.

 

I’m here to give them a big (hopefully very loud) wake up call.

 

These conditions are not picky. It’s not like someone decides, “This person is going to get X, this person is going to get Y, and this person is going to Z.”

 

People who have these conditions are not selfish. Our brains just work differently. Sometimes we go to these dark places because it’s the only way we know how to cope with the world. It’s hard to be grateful for what we have, to even see what we have when we feel like the world is out to get us.

 

The world can feel very unsafe for us sometimes. I know that as a victim of bullying, I felt unsafe in school. It didn’t matter if I was eating lunch, in class, laughing with friends. I still felt unsafe.

 

I don’t think people who deal with mental illness are selfish. They’re warriors. They’re dealing with life the best way they can, with the tools they have, just like the next person. Sure, the tools may be a little different, a little unorthodox, but they’re still trying to live, trying to survive.

 

Some would say that they’re just not seeing the big picture. I was told thousands of times that I wasn’t seeing the big picture, that being detail-oriented was a bad thing, that I wasn’t seeing the forest for the trees.

 

Were they right?

 

Maybe.

 

But sometimes what you say to someone doesn’t register. The things you say to them aren’t interpreted the way you intend them to. Sometimes we need events to remind ourselves not to take things for granted.

 

It’s sad to know that it takes the kidnapping of more than 200 Nigerian girls or a local fire to remind us to be grateful, to remind ourselves how fortunate we are to have the most basic of things. But this is the world we live in.

 

The best part is, we can change it.

 

We can help turn this world into a place where girls from all over the world are given the gift of an education. We can work to make this society a place where human trafficking victims’ stories can be heard, a place where the stigma of mental illness is no longer taboo.

 

What are you grateful for? What sorts of changes would you like to see in the world?

Image Credit: Pinterest

 

The 4 Life Lessons You Can Learn From Avril Lavigne’s Hello Kitty Controversy

Yes, you read that title right.

 

My first reaction after I watched that explosion of pink and cupcakes was: Um. What did I just watch?

 

Yes, I was rendered speechless. Yes, I was mildly horrified at the fact that it was an actual song. The “Minna saiko arigato. Ka-Ka-Kawaii” made me raise my eyebrows. Yes, the cultural appropriation did make me twist my lips a little, but then again, she’s not the first artist to have done it. (cough, Gwen Stefani cough, Katy Perry cough, Selena Gomez, cough.)

 

So what can you learn from 3 minutes and 18 seconds of cupcakes, pink, and robotic dancing?

 

1. It doesn’t matter what your career choice is; you’re not going to be able to please everyone.

 

Actually, this goes beyond career choices; we don’t have to be Emma Watson or one of the boys from One Direction to be judged by the public. We’re all being judged every day; I don’t care how many social media accounts you have.

 

But you’re also learning and growing every day.

 

2. Everyone responds to criticism differently.

 

Avril Lavigne took to Twitter to address the backlash by posting the following:

 

(Do I think there’s a better way to handle criticism? Yes.)

 

 

It’s hard not to be emotional when something you’ve put your time, love and energy into gets ripped apart. Getting emotional about it is easy. But the reality is that no two people respond to things the same way.

 

The trick is not to let yourself take the naysayers so seriously that you let it stop you.

 

I recently admitted that one of my biggest mistakes as I tried to get over a block was to take criticism so seriously that I treated it like it was blood on the Rosetta Stone.

 

It took distancing myself from my blog and distracting myself by doing other things (and a couple days) before it clicked in my head.

 

Taking criticism seriously is not a bad thing. It means you want to improve. It means you’re willing to grow. Personally, I’m not a fan of staying stagnant.

Some people won’t waste their breath (or brain) worrying about controversy, but I’m not here to tell you whether or not you should worry.

 

3. Focus on the positive

 

Okay, I don’t have 20 million people following my every word on social media, but celebrities do have a point when they mention that for every spite-filled threat they get, they get more than 200 other comments saying that they’ve saved lives, asking for their hand in marriage, and other generally positive things.

 

This isn’t to say that criticism doesn’t hurt. I mean, come on. We’re all human. Sometimes we smile, but we’re not really happy. We say okay when we want to say no.

 

You get the idea.

 

Some of us may not have 20 million followers (raise your hand if you also hate that word, by the way) on social media, but focusing on the little things that make you happy, the things you’re grateful for, can help you make peace with the fact that your choices may not win you Best Child of The Year award.

 

I don’t care if you’re grateful for a birthday text, your adorable puppy, the roof over your head, the food in your stomach or all of the above. Start small if you have to and work your way up.

Try to shift your perspective.

 

4. “Racist???”

 

Controversy is controversy. Not everyone is going to want to know both sides of any controversy, not everyone is going to believe everything you say. Avril said her video was not racist, but that doesn’t stop people from believing that it is (or isn’t).

Controversy gets attention. Your product doesn’t have to please everyone, and sometimes it’s not meant to. You just have to go to bed at night knowing that you believe in the product. And if you believe in what you’re doing, suddenly the weight of people’s opinions doesn’t feel like a boulder.

 

So ask yourself: Do I believe in what I’m doing?

 

 

Are there any other recent controversial issues that you’ve learned a lot from?

Screenshots are taken from Avril Lavigne’s official Twitter account and VEVO Youtube account. All credit for the images in those images go to their rightful owners.