The 5 Keys To Overcome Your Fears

What if you didn’t do something that scared you every day?

 

What if you did one thing that scares you per week?

 

I used to think that driving was the scariest thing in the world; I avoided driving like the plague.

 

I mean, can you blame me after getting into 2 accidents and constantly being yelled at when you’re that giddy 16-year old who dreams of racing down the 405 with the top down?

 

But I can now say that I’ve found a new Scariest Thing Ever.

 

And I’ve been doing it once a week.

 

Therapy.

 

Anyone who knows me knows that I wouldn’t wish therapy on my worst enemy; I would send it straight down into the seventh pit of Hades.

 

I keep my arms crossed the entire time.

 

I barely breathe for that entire hour.

 

I answer in clipped words.

 

Every bone is screaming at me to run like this man has a gun pointed at my head.

 

Do I like the therapist? Nope.

 

So WHY in the WORLD would I “want” to subject myself to sitting on a sweaty leather couch in a windowless room pouring out my heart (or as much as I feel is necessary for said therapist to get the answers to his questions) for an hour a week with my mother sitting in the next chair over?

 

Ask me that in a few months.

 

But I know for SURE that the Nike headline did not come to mind.

 

Because just doing it can be the scariest thing in the world. Sure, it may be one of the best pieces of kick-yourself-in-the-butt-and-enter-reality kinds of advice you can get, but sometimes it can be so unhelpful.

 

When you develop a fear, there’s a reason behind it, a story you have in your head. Something your mind wants to protect you from. It can be hard to “just do it” when all you’re hearing in your head is the wailing of an ambulance’s siren.

So how do you get over your fear?

 

1. Find Someone Who Can Support You

 

I don’t care if it’s your best friend who you’ve known since you were 5 or your neighbor. Finding someone who knows you well and asking for support is essential.

I know for a fact that if I did not have the support of a life coach (who knows me outside of our working relationship) I would NOT be ready to step into a therapist’s office.

I’m not saying everyone needs to go find a life coach before you face your fears; not everyone can afford that. You don’t NEED to have a life coach, just having a close friend is good enough.

Knowing that you have a friend at your back who can support you when things get difficult is a big step in taking the leap to overcoming your fears.

 

2. Don’t Push Yourself

 

I’ve said this before, but I have no shame in saying it again.

 

How many of you have compared yourself to your peers?

 

It’s easy to feel pressure when everyone around you is doing something, and you’re the only one who can’t.

 

Life can seem like a race.

 

I got my driver’s permit really early. I had these fantasies of cruising down the freeway with the top down.

 

It was easy; I had seen my parents drive me places all the time. You push a pedal and maneuver the car. How hard could it be?

 

 

I was yelled at, screamed at, had a few close scrapes.

 

Driving was not the straightforward, easy, fun thing that I thought it was.

 

It sucked having to ask my parents and friends for rides; I didn’t like having to take public transportation either.

 

But I was scared; I was more willing to spend more money and take more time to get places than confronting my fear.

 

It wasn’t until I started working on myself and let some time pass that I finally felt ready to try again.

 

You could say that I was procrastinating. But there is a strange part of me that is happy that I waited.

 

Because pushing yourself toward your goal can be good, but pushing yourself can also make you want to backtrack.

 

Everyone moves at their own pace. Just because you didn’t get something at the same time as everyone around you doesn’t mean that you’re worth any less than they are.

 

3. Acknowledge Yourself For The Little Things

 

 

 

Wise words, MLK. Very wise words.

 

I’m a planner. I like to have every detail in place.

 

But then I realized something: if I kept waiting for everything to be perfect, I’d be waiting forever.

 

When I finally decided to learn how to drive (for real this time), I went in and took the written test to get my permit.

 

Did I know who I was going to practice with?

 

Nope.

 

Did I know how I was going to get to practice in the family car on a consistent basis?

 

Double nope.

 

But I went in, took the test, and got that little piece of paper.

 

I made the first step.

 

Did my parents yell at me? Sure.

 

Did they guilt-trip me? Absolutely.

 

But as I returned home with that piece of paper in my hand, I felt so proud of myself. I couldn’t stop saying, “You did it,” over and over in my head.

 

I took my time getting home, took my time enjoying that feeling.

 

Because knowing that I had taken that first step rather than being dragged there, rather than being told that I “had to” do it was a lot more liberating than sitting in my house waiting for something to happen.

 

Sure, you may not have gotten over your fear, but the knowledge that you are taking steps to get over your fear feels pretty good right?

 

 

 

4. Look At The Trees, Not The Forest.

 

I recently had a friend ask me if I could edit her work. That would have been fine, except for the fact that said work was going to be evaluated in order to determine if she could get her teaching credential.

 

Um. Gulp.

 

Really?

 

Can someone say pressure?

 

Having her send it to me in sections helped me maintain my sanity. I was able to focus on each respective section as she sent it without the thought of “Oh my god, the deadline is getting closer; I have to get this done. Wait how many pages again?!”

 

I think the same is true for overcoming a fear.

 

If you focus on the little things you’re doing instead of the bigger picture, then it becomes less overwhelming.

 

Sure, not everyone is as detail-oriented as I am, and for some it might work to focus on the bigger picture. But some of us get overwhelmed too.

 

Breaking things down and focusing on one thing at a time makes things a lot easier.

 

5. Take Time To Recharge

 

You wouldn’t go out for a run immediately after crossing the finish line at an Iron Man, would you?

Yeah, I thought so.

Every time I come back from one of those therapy sessions, it feels like I’ve run an Iron Man.

Heart pounding.

Barely breathing.

More tense than a coiled spring.

 

So yes, after those sessions I curl up with my dog, a cup of tea and Sherlock.

 

It’s important to take breaks and recharge, especially after you’ve taken little steps toward getting over your fear.

 

Because those little things are also big hurdles.

 

You don’t have to do one thing every day that scares you.

You just have to take little steps toward doing that one thing.

 

What sort of things have YOU do to help overcome your fears?

 

Image Credit: Pinterest

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How To Turn Your Pain Into Power (And 3 Little Things To Know Before You Do)

How many personal social media accounts do you own?

1?

2?

3?

(Or better yet, 0?)

My inner communications major has never been a huge fan of social media. I mean the term “privacy” has gone out the window, the word “friend” is a verb (how weird is that?) and don’t even get me started on cyber-bullying.

On the plus side, social media has given birth to a whole wealth of jobs. It also lets people communicate with their loved ones and friends using something that’s a lot faster than email.

They can be really helpful if you use them right, but they can also bring a lot of pain.

Everyone goes through pain. Sure, other people around you might have gone through similar issues, dealt with them in different ways, but everyone goes through it. No one got anywhere zooming around a real-life Monopoly board collecting $200 every time they passed Go.

Yes, it’s scary as heck, but people relate to vulnerability.

The girl I was a year ago would have looked at the person I am now and thought I was on some kind of drug for saying that. She would have thought I was crazy for starting a blog.

At the time, I thought blogs were reserved for companies and people like Perez Hilton.

I wasn’t the CEO of a billion dollar company, and I had no interest in which celebrity was dating who. All I wanted to do was find a job.

Therefore, I had no interest in starting a blog. Who would want to read about my daily woes anyway?

Then a friend asked me 2 questions:

“What do YOU offer the world? Where can you share your experiences and stories to help other people feel like they aren’t alone in their own experience?”

That made me realize that I could help other people by sharing my story. So I bit the bullet and claimed a WordPress account.

When I shared my story back in November on my blog, I remember my fingers shaking as I went to press the Publish button. I was staring at the cursor for a long time, listening to the battle in my head.

“Yes.”

“No.”
“DO IT”.

“DON’T do it.”

“You’ve already come this far, just hit the big blue button.”

“Are you crazy?!”

“Yes, little voice in my head, I heard you.”

“No, no, no, no.”

“Do not press that blue button. I repeat. DO NOT PRESS IT.”

“Too late.”

“OK fine.”

I spent the next 48 hours wondering what ungodly power possessed me to a) start a blog and b) share the most painful part of my past with the Internet.

But then I realized something.

I was free.

That post gave me freedom. There was nothing to hide from anyone anymore. It was already out there.

There were no likes on the post, no comments, but I didn’t care. Setting myself free was a greater gift than the fleeting stab of joy we all get when we see a little notification on our social media networks.

A few months later, I got a message from a college friend, who told me that they really related to what I had already written, and found it extremely helpful. They encouraged me to keep doing what I was doing.

Cue the waterworks. Knowing that I helped this person was better than the feeling I got walking across the stage at my university’s commencement ceremony.

Fast forward to now.

I’m still chugging along, struggling to figure out my issues. I forget to meditate sometimes. I can’t tell you that I haven’t thought about going back to my not-so-happy place.

But I know better now. That little Facebook message made me realize a few things:

1.    Putting Yourself Out There Can Be A Good Thing

Yes, it’s scary as hell, and you’re going to want to turn back because sharing your pain is…well…scary. But even if you aren’t a celebrity with thousands of Twitter followers that sing your praises, being vulnerable allows you to connect with people. You may not be finding the cure to cancer, but your story can help someone in some way.

2.    The Little Things Matter

Have you been bullied? Than you know how powerful words can be. Sometimes all it takes is one little thing to turn your day upside down. By the same token, it could be the smallest thing that makes your day magical.

It could be:

• A conversation with a friend.
• A kind email from a supervisor.
• A smile.

Some of us live in places where we learn to focus on what we don’t have rather than what we do have. Some of us spend hours worrying about what we look like and starving ourselves when there are children (and adults) out there who eat out of trash cans to survive. There are those of us who take our education for granted when there are people who can’t even complete middle school.

I’m not trying to say that we should all volunteer abroad (although that is really high on my bucket list). The important thing is to recognize that the littlest things can make a big difference. YOU have the power to inspire others, to make someone’s day. Why not embrace that?

3.    Take Your Time

Have you ever rushed through something? What happened afterward? Were you happy with the result, or did you want to go back and do it again?

OK, maybe you’re that person who can pull really amazing things off at the last second, but in my experience, I generally felt like I’d cheated myself out of a job well done.

Sharing your story with the world is no different.

You don’t have to disclose everything once the floodgates open.

You have the power to choose what you put out there into the world. If you’re not ready to disclose certain things when people ask you, don’t.  

Honor yourself instead for your courage and the boundaries you set. Honor yourself for how far you’ve come. Sure you may not be Demi Lovato, but your story can have an impact that is just as powerful.

I’m going to say that again just in case you didn’t get that.

Your story matters.

So be the warrior you know is inside you. Do not fear change, because your story could change someone for the better.

What can YOU offer the world?

P.S. Love the jewelery? Go to my website and tell your story  with customizable jewelery TODAY!

How To Feel Like A Princess And Reclaim Your Self-Worth

Who was your favorite Disney princess growing up?

I dreamed about being Ariel, but I scrapped that when I discovered that no matter how many times you wrote to Santa, he couldn’t get you red hair and a fishtail for legs.

The polyester alternative I made my parents buy before Halloween just didn’t cut it.

Add me to the list of people who:

• got bullied in middle school.
• thought she wasn’t pretty because she didn’t look like the people on TV.

It took getting into the real world and embarking on this journey of self-discovery for me to realize why A Little Princess is considered a classic. It took me that long to finally get to a better place.

Every girl needs to know that they are worth it, that they are princesses in their own right. No matter what they look like. No matter what they’re going through. But instead they get airbrushed images of girls who society thinks won the genetic lottery. And they’re conditioned to believe that that’s what’s attractive.

We’re trying to achieve a standard that doesn’t exist.

Yes, the recent campaigns like Covergirl’s #GirlsCan and Dove’s Real Beauty Sketches are a step forward. And we have music in the mainstream that is bashing that standard and people who are speaking out about the importance of the media and the role it can play in mental health. But recovery is a constant process. You can’t just listen to one song or read one book and be fixed.  Recovery starts with your beliefs and working from the inside.

Image Credit: Pinterest

The good news is that you CAN take steps to becoming a real life princess without having to invest in plastic tiaras from Party City or jetting off to the UK to try to marry into the British monarchy. It’s not going to be easy. But you can learn to love yourself. And in loving yourself, you’ll begin to feel like the princess you were born to be.

1.     Be Belle

Translation: Unplug.

Belle kept her nose in a book; we tend to keep our eyes on screens. And sometimes those screens show us things that make us as jealous as Maleficent. One in three people felt worse after visiting Facebook, according to the Huffington Post.

One in three people.

Snow White’s stepmother’s jealousy turned her into mush under a rock slide. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather take time away from the Internet on a regular basis than have jealousy eat at me until I end up under a pile of boulders.

I’m not telling you to go on a social media fast. I’m just suggesting that you take steps to experience the world beyond the confines of your computer screen.

• Un-friend or block people from your Facebook feed if you don’t want to hear from them.
• Download SelfControl to prevent you from browsing Pinterest if you must work from your computer.
• Put your phone in a locked safe (or something similar) to eliminate the urge to check Instagram. Out of sight out of mind, right?

As Belle would say, “There must be more than this provincial life”

Go out and discover it.

2.     Think Happy Thoughts

Yeah, I know. Easier said than done. There was a lot of doubt surrounding Barrie when Peter Pan was originally published, but he was onto something when he said, ” The moment you doubt you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.” Yes, it sounds like woo-woo, but thoughts have a frequency you can actually measure.

According to the documentary The Secret, “If you’re complaining of how bad it is, what you’re creating is more of how bad it is.” In other words, if you think about debt, even if you think, “ I don’t want to be in debt anymore,” you still send out the thought of debt. The Law of Attraction sees that you are focusing on debt and brings that to you.

I don’t know about you, but after watching that documentary, I’m working on being more like Peter Pan.

3.     Melt For The Right People

What Disney protagonist didn’t have a faithful sidekick?

YOU are the protagonist in your own movie called Your Life. Sure, your protagonist might not be a cute talking dragon or a snowman, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t offer you advice or support. Cinderella didn’t make it to the ball on her own, right?

Do the people you hang out with make you feel happy and supported? Or do they make you feel like they don’t care about you? If it’s the latter, take them out of your life.

Friendships take work, just like any other relationship. But you shouldn’t have to spend a lot of energy proving to someone that you should be in their lives if they don’t reciprocate.

The people who want to stay in your life will put work in to be there. Cherish those people and reciprocate where you can.

4.     Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide

While we’re on the subject of sidekicks, I’d say Jiminy Cricket was a good one, wouldn’t you agree

Sure, he and Pinocchio didn’t always agree on the best way to do things, but when Pinocchio got himself into trouble, he always tried his best to give the best advice he could.

Not everyone does things the exact same way. But just because someone tells you that something’s right, doesn’t mean that it’s right for you. What worked for you parents or friends may not work. You know yourself better than anyone else.

I’m not saying to throw every piece of advice you get out of the window. But don’t ignore the voices in your head, even if they go against what everyone thinks you should do. Mulan’s father would have died if she had listened to what was “right” and stayed where she was.

YOU have the same power. YOU get to call the shots.

And finally, probably the most important one of all…

 5.  Treat Yourself Like A Princess

No princess got to her happy ending without having to overcome a few obstacles, right?

You’ve been through the ringer. You’re still recovering. But the fact that you’ve been through the this should tell you something.

The fact that you made it out of this alive says that you are strong. It says that you are resilient. It says that you are worth recovery. It should tell you that you have the courage to admit when you need help. There aren’t that many people out there who are brave enough to readily admit that they need help.

Yes, I am aware that I’m parroting Demi Lovato right now, but what she says is true. You are a warrior. You are strong, and you are beautiful. You don’t need a Prince Charming to save you. It might be hard to believe all the things I’m telling you right now, but if you take care of yourself, you’ll start to feel like a princess.

So HOW do you do this?

• Tell yourself that you’re beautiful, that you’re powerful, that you’re strong, that you have something to offer the world (or whatever positive affirmation resonates with you) until you start to believe it.
• Eat well.
• Exercise
• Pamper yourself
• Honor your inner voice
• Consume media that makes you feel good.

Do what feels right to YOU.

What do YOU do to pamper yourself and reclaim your self-worth? Let me know in the comments below!