Destroying The Lie In My Fire: The Truth Behind My Hiatus

Miscellaneous Musings

download“She is mad, but she is magic. There is no lie in her fire.”

-Charles Bukoski

I recently came across this quote as I was reading, and it hit me: this was why my week-long break from writing has turned into a hiatus that has lasted several months.

My writing has turned into a lie.

I started this space as that blank page. I wrote what I wanted to write when I felt like it. I felt that catharsis that I get when I write longhand. And I was excited; the words felt authentic to me, and I was excited to see how having a public space would improve my writing and help me find a tone that was genuine.

As I started reading more about blogging, I became more and more focused on numbers and social media. I focused less on writing content that was genuine and authentic to me and more on content that people would read. And as a result, my tone has changed, which was the very last thing I wanted it to do.

I look back on my posts and cringe; in my mind, I sound like a self-help guru. Sometimes I don’t believe the things I write; I write them because they fit well for my niche, and it feels wrong, uncomfortable.

I am in the process of trying to find a writing style and tone that feels genuine to me. I don’t want to feel like my blog is just like any other blog. I don’t want to feel like I’m just spitting out things that a self-help guru would say when I don’t really believe them. I don’t want this blog to feel like a self-constricting glass box anymore.

I want to feel like there’s no lie in the fire that I have to offer the world.

And that will take time.

Image Credit: Unsplash

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Currently I’m Loving…(Vol. 10)

Currently I'm Loving

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I have been following Crystal’s blog for a while, so I was ecstatic when she announced a linkup, I was so happy! I love these favorites posts too, so it was a win-win situation! My personal (i.e.: work) life is picking up, so things may be slow on my personal blog, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t love you readers or writing these posts any less! I hope that you will stick with my journey as we close out this year and roll through the madness that is the holiday season!

Onward with the favorites!

I Am Now A Swiftie (I’m Pretty Sure)

Yes, I have jumped on “I-love-the-new-Taylor-Swift-album” bandwagon. The song “Blank Space” didn’t stand out to me on the new album as one of my favorites, but the video makes the song. It really does. I love a woman and satire, and Taylor Swift has done it with the Blank Space video.

Who else heard “Starbucks lovers” on the first listen? I know I did.

I will admit: I am not a fan of her earlier albums. To me, it sounded like she was constantly making herself the victim of the experiences she wrote about. My first reaction was, “Grow up,” and while I sometimes feel that, I understand that so many people relate to her lyrics. And connecting with music is key to helping it sell. But to see the way she interacts with fans on social media, particularly Tumblr, she is turning me into a Swiftie. I love how sweet and truly caring she seems to be. (I mean, who gets early Christmas presents for fans or personally drives a toddler-sized Mercedes to an adorable kid rather than ship it?) Most celebrities get more and more distant as they get more and more successful. Taylor seems to do the opposite with her fans. And I’m all for a girl who can be grounded, real, and grateful, despite her success.

Jorge Luis Borges

There was once a time when I spoke Spanish better than I spoke Japanese, much to my relatives’ displeasure. I am now trying to turn back the clocks and get that ability back via Duolingo. I remember staring at a Jorge Luis Borges anthology, trying to figure out how fast and how thoroughly I would have to read as I collected yet another textbook from the professor. At the time, I didn’t appreciate him, but with quotes like the one below, he’s starting to win me over.

“A writer – and, I believe, generally all persons – must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art.”

As a writer, this makes me happy beyond words. So. Much. Truth.

Growing up, my work ethic disguised the fact that I had ADD. Many people (read: friends) thought that the idea of my having ADD was an oxymoron; they were operating on the symptoms that were associated with ADHD. Since I wasn’t bouncing off the walls like Tigger, and I worked my butt off for my grades, many thought that I didn’t have it, that I was just going through “a phase.”

We know now that they were wrong. And because of that, I will always be passionate about mental health, particularly when it comes to that of young people and women. This article from Devex sums of pretty much everything that I wanted to say on the topic.

What have YOU been loving this week? Let me know in the comments!

Currently I’m Loving ( Vol. 9)

Currently I'm Loving

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Yes, that is a bear on a cookie. Cute, no?

Writing has always been my source of therapy, and according to this piece, writing is good for you. There’s always been something liberating about it. A blank page doesn’t judge you. And that’s the best feeling in the world.

I studied the evolution of pop music as a communications major in college. It’s always interesting to see social sciences studies, particularly those involving music. One of my final projects was to do a short paper on the evolution of pop music from the 60s to present day. This article only confirms my hypothesis, although it’s not a difficult conclusion to draw.

I am currently searching for a job, like so many recent college grads. This article has some great tips for getting experience when you have none.

 

As much as I am looking forward to seeing Horns, this little gem made my week.

 

What have you been loving this week? Let me know in the comments!

Happy Halloween!

A Liebster Award!

Miscellaneous Musings

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Every once in a while, little things come along that make your day. Those little things where you can’t decide whether you want to a) cry happy tears or b) wonder how in the world this ended up in your lap.

I had a Sally Field moment.

No, this thing was not an around-the-world plane ticket. (Hey, a girl can dream can’t she?)

It was a nomination for a blogging award.

Now why would that make me excited you ask?

I love it when people support up and coming artists/blogs or give money to a cause where you know your money will be used to help others. Hence the excitement.

As far as I can tell, this award is that equivalent for bloggers.

I admit it. I spent a good 2 minutes blinking at the tweet, thinking I was dreaming. Camila from The Things I Am Crazy For nominated me; to say that I was flattered and touched is an understatement. Thanks Camila!

So in the spirit of passing the good vibes, I’m going to answer her questions on the blog. It feels a little strange to be doing a different post, but I’m excited about it at the same time. A little diversity never hurt anyone right?

  1. What made you want to start blogging? (It’s a classic!)

The blog started as a way for me to keep track of how I changed as I started doing a lot of internal work in order to become someone who I was happy to be. Since I started blogging at the end of last year, the blog has become less of a magnifying glass into my life as I try to find a way that readers can benefit from the experience rather than just focusing on me.

  1. Do you have any hidden talents?

Nope. None that I know of.

  1. What are you looking forward to the most in the coming month?

I’m really looking forward to going back to the city of my alma mater for a conference in order to network with some like-minded people next month. I went to this conference for the first time last year, and it was a life-changing experience for me. I’m excited to see what comes out of the connections I make and the people I meet.

  1. Regardless of time, money, commitment, what would be the best present someone could give you?

If someone could give me international plane tickets to various international destinations (or a job that would allow me to travel and be paid to blog about my experiences), I’d be a very happy girl. I love the idea of using money to buy experiences instead of material things. Material things can break, fads come and go, but memories last a lifetime.

  1. What is your favorite book?

Oof. This is a hard one. I absolutely love The Perks of Being a Wallflower and White Oleander. I know the question asked for one, but those 2 are some of my absolute favorites. I can’t decide which one I like better between the two.

  1. What is your guilty pleasure?

British television shows. Sherlock, anyone?

  1. If you could meet with someone who has passed, who would it be?

Hands down my high school mentor who passed away from leukemia when I was 18. I miss his infectiously positive energy. I would love to see him again. If we’re talking celebrity, Maya Angelou.

  1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning?

Meditate. Or try to. It’s hard to concentrate sometimes.

  1. Do you have a goal/project you are currently working on?

There are so many! I think the biggest goal I’m working toward is getting a job and turning said job in to something I like. In terms of projects, this blog is my baby. I love working on it.

10. What is the wisest advise anyone has given you?

There are so many people in my life who have offered me great advice; not to discredit anyone or say that I’m ungrateful for their advice, but I think the best thing someone said to me was the following:

 

“If you love your story, it’s because it’s a fact of your life, not a factor.”

 

Talk about perspective.

 

Now that I think about it, that doesn’t really count as advice, but it’s the only thing I can think of off the top of my head.

 

The lovely ladies I’m nominating are:

Jess @ The Fevered Pen

Amy @ Far From Paradise

Genevive @ That Fine Madness

Ayla @ Mrs Ayla’s Adventures

Ashley @ Positively Wanderlust

 

My questions for you all:

 

1) What’s the one country that you wish you could go to right now and why?

2) What’s the ONE thing you hope people can learn from your life?

3) What’s your favorite book?

4) What’s your favorite charitable organization and why?

5) What’s your current favorite song?

6) Favorite sources of inspiration for blog posts?

7) If you had the power to rid the world of ONE thing, what would it be and why?

8) Knowing what you know now, what’s the one thing you wish you had known growing up?